Not My Target
the leaves that lined my head
are growing gold and yellow
fading as the pigment of life
drains from their skin and mine
where is the vigor of excitement
that overflowed when
I first placed you in my arms
hugging my way to the check-out counter
how could I forget
that Friday night in August
emerging into the setting sun
fulfilled with the purchase
of my monthly scope
I remember my ignorance
smiling as I pulled away
but the toxic tone rang out
shattering my new bliss
a voice broke through
frantic, scared, in ruins
I said little, focusing instead
on my new course
speeding into dangerous delays
shifting in and out with purpose
uselessly trying to calm myself
talk my body down
from fevered heights, shaking
my delicate mental balance
telling myself it’s o.k.
I turned onto 295 and took it at 85
I could not get there fast enough
to appease my flooding anxiety
we arrived separately
crying and worrying in unison
hours dragged as we waited
in thick, plastic seats
nailed down and bolted
in a side-by-side fashion
filing up a desperate room
with fake reinforced order
how my heart sank
staring down at her soiled complexion
how our souls wept
behind closed doors
I wrapped my cold body
in the pressed shelter
of the vining comforter
quivering, curled into a tight coil
the newness and the excitement
outlived before the shelf-life ended
it meant nothing to me
but the hour I wasted
not by her side
a year and a recovery later
the crown starts its descent
dying as it extracts the green
into a former color stage
making me wish
I sucked up the cost
and went geisha kake instead